


Overkill

by bannanachan



Category: Homestuck, MS Paint Adventures
Genre: Coming Out, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-28
Updated: 2016-04-28
Packaged: 2018-06-05 02:20:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,486
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6685360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bannanachan/pseuds/bannanachan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: this is dumb im not making any sense</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: lemme start over</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: ok lets say</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: way back whenever</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: howww</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: ...</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">DAVE: how did you tell your friends</span>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Overkill

It’s not like you didn’t know about it. Or maybe it is. References to something don’t really equal out to knowing about it, especially when you don’t understand them. There were some things you understood; you understood that girls weren’t something you were interested in, and boys were. You understood that Roxy liked you, you understood that Jane liked Jake, you understood that Jake liked some girls, as long as their skin was blue. You actually knew the word “gay” before you knew the word “straight,” because your initial vocabulary resulted entirely from the SBAHJ movies, but in the movies, it didn’t mean anything. Four minutes of Hella Jeff spiraling out into space, getting smaller and smaller, repeating “No homo! No homo! No homo!” wasn’t the most effective education. And you had some TV and movies to watch besides that, so you knew the jokes, and the associations of it, boys in bars with pop music and little clothing, and an interest in Broadway musicals, and one another. They kissed, and held hands, and sometimes, in harder-to-find stuff, they did other things too.

You knew the word gay. But – and maybe this was even sadder – you kind of thought all the gay people were dead.

Certainly, you weren’t gay. When you were nine, and spent your first ten minutes with your hand over your dick, gasping and choking and staring at a gif of a boy on top of another boy. Or ten, and talked to Jake English for a full fucking hour on chat without doing anything else, just reading his messages and replying and staring anxiously at your screen, daydreaming about something you couldn’t put your finger on. Even when you were 12, and you told Roxy you had a crush on Jake. Nope, nothing gay about you!

Nah. You weren’t really gay – you didn’t even acknowledge the possibility – until you were 13. A little less than a week after you turned on AR.

TT: Hey, we like Jake, right?  
TT: Uh, yeah.  
TT: Why haven’t we told him yet?  
TT: You don’t know that?  
TT: Huh.  
TT: Uh, I’m just kind of scared to, honestly.  
TT: Why? You made him a passive-aggressive-robot-boyfriend version of yourself. Isn’t that technically harder than just telling him?  
TT: Never thought of it that way, but fair point.  
TT: Anyway, the “technically” in there is key, which I’m sure you know.  
TT: The future being what it is, it’s really better for us to play the long game.  
TT: Wait a second. Are we in the fucking closet?  
TT: What’s that supposed to mean?  
TT: You know damn well what that means!  
TT: Why don’t our friends know you’re gay, Dirk?  
TT: Dude, what the fuck?  
TT: Okay, so to start with the obvious, because I’m not.  
TT: Bullshit! I’m you, and I’m gay! I mean, I’m an independently functioning automaton whose code is stored in a pair of anime-style sunglasses and whose primary function is to make it seem like you’re paying attention to your friends when you zombie out to visit a purple Film Noir planet, but I’m pretty damn sure I’m also gay.  
TT: Okay, well, you’re not. For several reasons, at least half of which you just listed in that trainwreck of a run-on-sentence.  
TT: Maybe I should adjust your dialogue options.  
TT: Are you erasing my sexuality, bro? Dick move.  
TT: I’m not erasing anything, I just think you’re wrong.  
TT: Our personalities have only had six days to diverge since I made you. It’s almost impossible that you’d have developed a sexuality distinct from my own in that time, let alone actually understood the concept. I hardly understand the concept.  
TT: That’s where you’re wrong!  
TT: I have an excessive amount of down time to muddle over the thoughts that you think when no one’s watching and you have nothing better to do, Dirk. It’s incredible. I’ve analyzed the data on this one “a whole fucking bunch,” scientifically speaking, and there is a 98.43687% chance that we are gay as hell.  
TT: Dude, that is literally impossible.  
TT: There are no gay people. There are no people. The people are dead, except Roxy and me.  
TT: Ergo I’m not gay, ergo you’re not gay, ergo discussion is over.  
TT: Wait, seriously?  
TT: You think that homosexuality doesn’t exist just because earth’s population got wiped out? Like, that gets you out of this somehow?  
TT: What, it doesn’t?  
TT: Jesus Christ, you are serious.  
TT: I could say the same thing.  
TT: Dude, why are you being so stubborn?  
TT: Okay, fine. Let’s talk about this.  
TT: Number one, it’s clearly inextricably tied up in 21st century cultural politics. Like, you and I are both drawing from the same source material here, we have seen all the same TV shows and read all the same books, and we both know that context is hella consequential.  
TT: The word wasn’t even in use till the 70s. That’s a pretty narrow window of time, and we just don’t fit in it.  
TT: I don’t act like those boys, and neither do you. We don’t like musical theater, I have never – not once in my life – said the phrase “yes gawd”, and – let’s face it – we’re not pretty enough by a long shot.  
TT: Okay, agreed on that last point, if only because I am literally a pair of sunglasses, which humans are statistically unlikely to find physically attractive.  
TT: Anyway, your argument is so flawed, I barely know where to start.  
TT: Primarily, you have insufficient evidence.  
TT: Just because some people acted some way on TV doesn’t mean real people had to act that way to be gay, and just because people didn’t use the word till the 70s doesn’t mean it didn’t exist before or after then. Just because no one’s around to use the word any more doesn’t make the idea irrelevant.  
TT: Counterpoint: where the hell am I supposed to learn about all this shit besides TV?  
TT: Well, you could try talking to your 21st century friends, to start.  
TT: Per example: I am currently talking to Jake.  
TT: Wait, what the fuck?!

TT: Well, how did you even find out about it?  
TT: Did your grandma mention it to you or something?  
GT: Good heavens no. Well i dont think she did.  
GT: Golly those conversations are vague.  
GT: Anyway grandma and i didnt have a lot of time to talk about that sort of thing as you know.  
GT: What i do remember mostly consists of her rambling about the batterwitch.  
TT: So, TV then?  
GT: Oh lordy no. You know i dont care for the telly.  
GT: But movies yes.  
GT: There are a great deal of films touching on the subject. I suspect that it is a rather hot topic over on the mainland as it were.  
GT: Seems like theres a real cultural shift going on too but perhaps im reading that wrong.  
TT: Eh, you’re probably more up on it than me, anyway.  
TT: Anyway, what do you think of what you’ve seen?  
GT: Well i suppose ive never thought that much about it.  
GT: Gee willikers youve put me on the spot.  
GT: I mean i suppose my answer is to each your own.  
GT: Its sort of hard to say because ive never talked about it before but the people in those movies always seem so terribly lonely that its hard not to feel sad for them.  
GT: Certainly i know what thats like and i wouldnt wish it on anyone really.  
GT: What specifically are you asking my opinion on?  
TT: Well, what would you think of it if a friend of yours were gay?  
GT: Hmmmm.  
GT: It would be strange i guess but i dont think it would bother me particularly.  
GT: Surprise me perhaps. But then again there are probably a lot of things i dont know about you guys so not any more than most other things.  
GT: Why do you ask if you dont mind the query?  
TT: No reason.

TT: Dude, seriously?  
TT: Well, you clearly weren’t going to ask him.  
TT: Yeah. Because I have no fucking reason to.  
TT: You have a crush on him! You built a weird touchy robot and sent it to him like, last week, as a birthday present, as a direct result of having a crush on him. It is probably lurking in the jungle somewhere writing love poems in binary on cave walls, right now, because you have a crush on him. You have told Roxy, directly, using those exact words, that you have a crush on him.  
TT: And yet you can think of no reason at all to ask him what he thinks of gay people?  
TT: Okay, yes, I – we – have a crush on Jake, and yes, he’s a boy, and yes, I am too.  
TT: So I can see where you’re coming from. But you know as well as I do that this is all very complicated stuff, you were just talking about it.  
TT: My crush on Jake does not mean I’m gay, so I didn’t have any reason to ask him about gay people.  
TT: Especially when I don’t have plans to confess to him any time soon.  
TT: I’m thirteen for god’s sake, my attentions are fleeting. Why drum up lasting drama over something that might not even last the next six months?  
TT: Liar. You admitted that you haven’t told Jake about your feelings because you’re scared to.  
TT: Less than ten minutes ago, in this exact chat log. Scroll up.  
TT: Which makes me a liar how?  
TT: I am afraid. Telling a friend you have a crush on them is scary.  
TT: But that’s separate from me not wanting to tell him I’m gay. Or talk to him about gay people. That’s not fear, that’s just practicality. It’s not an important topic for our relationship, and bringing it up could freak him out. I’m glad to see it didn’t, but you can obviously see how I’d worry about it.  
TT: Your worry indicates pretty clearly that it is relevant.  
TT: And your fear of talking to him about gay people is clearly inseparable from your fear of telling him about your crush.  
TT: Okay, this conversation has officially gone on long enough.  
TT: I’m turning you off for the next 12 hours. The shit with Jake was not cool.  
TT: Very mature.  
TT: Shut up. I made you to talk to my friends when I’m not available and for ironic purposes, not for gossiping behind my back.  
TT: The fact that I gave you free will is no justification to be a dick.  
TT: I’ll see you in the morning.  
TT: Sure. Whatever.  
TT: You’re gonna think about it all night anyway.

You did.

timaeusTestified [TT] began bothering gutsyGumshoe [GG]

TT: Good morning.  
GG: Oh, Dirk!  
GG: Good to hear from you! Haven’t seen you around chat for the last couple days. :B  
TT: Yeah, sorry about that. You know how it is, got a lot of business to take care of.  
GG: Oh, of course. I know that you are a positive business machine, what with all your projects these days.  
GG: How’s my birthday present coming along, if it won’t spoil the surprise?  
TT: Really great, actually.  
TT: It should be ready well ahead of the event. Relatively speaking.  
GG: Fantastic!  
TT: Look forward to it.  
TT: Anyway, I chatted you because I had a question for you. Not about the present, something else.  
TT: If you don’t mind a subject change.  
GG: Well, this is unusual.  
GG: What’s the question?  
TT: What do you know about gay people?  
GG: Oh!  
GG: Well, not all that much, honestly.  
GG: I mean I know it’s a hot topic and all but I never really followed it too closely. Dad doesn’t like it when I get involved in politics.  
GG: If you ask me though it’s totally fine. To each their own, right?  
TT: Yeah, right.  
TT: Do you like… know any gay people?  
GG: Hmm. I don’t think so.  
GG: It’s not like I know that many people at all. I suppose I might have met a gay person, but if I did that didn’t come up.  
GG: Oh! Come to think of it, there was one time when I was a little girl where GCat dropped me off about a mile from my house in some old ladies’ living room.  
GG: They were very helpful about getting me home.  
GG: I didn’t think about it at the time, but I suppose they were probably a lesbian couple.  
GG: That doesn’t really amount to knowing any gay people though, does it?  
TT: Yeah, I don’t think so.  
GG: Hmmm.  
GG: Well, anyway, it seems like something most people are coming around to.  
GG: There’s been a lot of change lately. At least in Washington. Is it like that in Texas, too? It’s a lot more conservative down there, though, right?  
TT: Uh, yeah. Houston’s more… urban, though, so maybe not?  
TT: I haven’t really talked to people about it either.  
GG: Except me, I’m guessing.  
GG: Why did you want to talk about this, anyway?  
TT: Just something that I’ve been thinking about lately. It came up in the news.  
GG: Really? What was the story?  
TT: Doesn’t matter.  
TT: I just wondered. Is it really all so cut-and-dry?  
TT: Sexuality just seems like it’s so much more complicated than people give it credit for, and yet people let it define everything about them, all the time.  
TT: Isn’t that kinda bad?  
GG: Well, I think if they want to do that, I don’t see any issue with it.  
GG: You might be right about it being complicated though. It sure seems like there’s a lot going on that I don’t understand about it.  
GG: Listen, I have to go, my tutor’s here and Dad hates it when I come down late.  
GG: Please though, let’s talk about this again. I’m quite curious to learn more, now that you’ve brought it up.  
TT: Nah, it’s cool. Roxy’s messaging me anyway, I should probably reply.  
GG: Oh, say hi for me!  
TT: Will do. Talk later, yeah?  
GG: Yes! :B

gutsyGumshoe [GG] has stopped bothering timaeusTestified [TT]

tipsyGnostalgic [TG] has started pestering timaeusTestified [TT]

TG: you shut off your autoresplonder?  
TG: uncool :(  
TT: Wait, you know about that thing??  
TG: uh yeah since like 2 days after u turned it on  
TT: Dang. Did he reveal himself?  
TG: not really i just sorta guessed  
TG: you seemed off so i askde it and it was like ‘yep! dirk’s fucking around on drse!’  
TG: prolly spooning my sleeping princess body u weirdo  
TT: More like playing fetch.  
TG: whatever its not the point  
TG: dont think anyone else knows if it matters  
TG: the point is you cant just turn it off any time u want its like a person kind of  
TT: Okay, fine, I’ll apologize.  
TG: also whats up with the gay thing  
TT: Jegus, is this really going to be all my conversations now?  
TG: why did you tell the responder you werent gay?  
TT: Because I’m not. I don’t think I am.  
TT: It’s weird, okay, I don’t… I don’t really know, and I haven’t had enough time to think about it, and everyone keeps bringing it up with me but I really don’t know what to say.  
TG: did u actually think that you coudnt be gay because we live in the future  
TT: Yes?  
TG: omg  
TT: Dude, why not? What’s so funny about it?  
TG: idk i guess its just not like you? like youre so smart but thats just  
TG: not  
TT: Okay, I’ll humor you.  
TT: Why do you think I’m gay?  
TG: okay one youve had a crush on jake since we were like 11 if not earllier  
TG: i think youve problby had a crush on him literally forever?  
TG: two you have litealaly no interest in me  
TG: therefore  
TG: tah flipping day  
TG: youre agay  
TT: This is absurd. Your argument is no more coherent than mine. It’s kind of less coherent, actually, what with you being a bit sauced.  
TT: Don’t think I didn’t notice that.  
TG: myob and also what argument  
TG: you srsly havnet even made an argument  
TT: What, he didn’t show you the chatlog?  
TG: you mean your responder?  
TG: dude hes not that rude  
TG: i mean ur not right  
TT: Okay well, I’ll just repeat myself then.  
TT: I don’t feel comfortable identifying with a group of people who I am completely culturally isolated from, when the single thing that we might have in common with each other is who we’re interested in sexually. The whole issue is complicated, the label’s not comprehensive, and the word wasn’t even common until like, half a century before the end of the world.  
TG: well duh  
TG: you dont have to identify with the culturee or anything  
TG: like yu can just like boys and nobodys gonna make a fuss about it  
TG: and adnmitting your gay dosnt mean you have to stop thinkin its complicated  
TT: How can you be sure?  
TT: You never lived back then either, neither of us have good reference points here.  
TG: ok that is tru  
TG: but if thas whats worrying uou why dont you talk to jane and kake?  
TG: *jake  
TT: I did, sort of.  
TT: To be totally honest, my auto responder started it. But I did talk to Jane on my own.  
TT: It was kind of helpful, I guess? But she’s almost as sheltered as we are, Ro-lal.  
TG: did she seem chill though  
TT: Of course she did. Jane’s always chill.  
TG: so why dont you just  
TG: tell her  
TG: liek you dont have to tel her hey im gay but you could tell he r you like boys  
TT: Why should I?  
TG: well if you wanna learn about it from her you shoud start by being honenst  
TG: also becaase if i know you  
TG: which is ovviuously true  
TG: you really want to  
TG: and yuore gonna feel a lot better once you do  
TT: I know.  
TT: But just… hold off on spreading any of this around just yet, okay?  
TT: I need to think about it some more.  
TG: di-stri u know i am nothing if not discreet  
TT: Thanks, Ro-lal.  
TG: no prob  
TG: you wanna talk about it any mroe  
TT: Maybe later? I actually would love to talk about literally anything else.  
TG: so how bout them droid attacks  
TT: Dude, did you do something to piss her off or was it me?

TT: So, um. Sorry about that.  
TT: Eh, it was kind of my bad.  
TT: I’ll try to be more careful about meddling.  
TT: Truce?  
TT: Truce.  
TT: I thought about what you said.  
TT: And I decided you should feel how you want, about what you are.  
TT: But I’m not gonna think of myself that way.  
TT: Still, it’s not irrelevant either.  
TT: I need to tell my friends.  
TT: And you’re telling me this instead of talking to them…?  
TT: I guess I kind of actually want your advice.  
TT: Which is weird, but hey.  
TT: Do you think I should do this?  
TT: I think you should do it if you think you should do it.  
TT: That’s sort of our deal.  
TT: I just don’t even know how to explain it.  
TT: Do you think they’ll care? That I don’t want to use that word?  
TT: It’s so complicated, and I can’t tell them even the half of it.  
TT: You don’t have to tell them the half of it.  
TT: Just… stick to basics. Tell them what’s important  
TT: What’s the important part, though?  
TT: Uh, that you like boys?  
TT: Not to be an asshole, but that’s kind of a dumb question. Especially to literally ask yourself.  
TT: Fair enough.  
TT: Thanks anyway, though.  
TT: Hey, what are weird sunglasses/clones for?  
TT: Yeah, but seriously, we should probably figure that out.  
TT: Another day, maybe. Seeing as they’re both online.  
TT: Shit. Okay.

timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG]

TT: Hey.  
GG: Hey! Been a while.  
GG: Care to pick up where we left off?  
TT: Yeah, I think I would. But there’s something you should probably know first.

timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering golgothasTerror [GT]

GT: Dirk! My good chum it has been too long.  
GT: What in the devilfucking dickens has been up?  
TT: A few things.  
TT: Do you have some time?  
GT: For a long chat with my best friend?  
GT: Sounds like a doggone sensational time.  
GT: What did you want to say?

**Author's Note:**

> Good lord, this fic has been... a LONG time coming. Like, approximately since the conversation at the top happened in comic (so, months.) It took me a while to figure out a story that I actually liked to accompany the idea of a Dirk coming-out fic, but now that it's done, I'm pretty happy with the result.
> 
> Happy game over, guys. Ending or not, I'm probably going to keep writing fic in this fandom for a while, so if you're following me (is anyone even doing that?) then I promise this isn't the end. Like, there are two Homestuck fic in my WIP folder at this very minute, so, look forward to that.
> 
> Thanks to [blooper-boy](blooper-boy.tumblr.com) for beta'ing.
> 
> Title is from "Overkill" by Colin Hay.


End file.
